Many men and women, especially married ones, are confused if lusting after your own wife is justifiable or not. There is no simple answer to this; it all depends on how you define ‘lust’. Here are some things you should know about lusting after your own wife.
Signals Lusting After Your Own Wife?
To be honest with you, most men do not lust after their own wife. They would never do such a thing unless they felt like there was something missing from their spouse that they just can’t live without. They would never consider lusting after their own wife unless they feel they need something new out of the relationship. Some men are just deeply in love with their wife and want to spend every waking minute with her, while other men simply want to satisfy their sexual desires.
One thing is for sure: a man cannot lust after his own wife if he is not a sexual being himself. So, how can you tell if what you have is wrong or not? Look at yourself. Is having a sexual relationship with another man something you really find desirable? If so, then there’s nothing wrong with that.
There’s no doubt that the Bible says to avoid sexual relationships that are based on lust (i.e. lusting after your own wife). However, it also says to engage in those types of relationships only when one is not satisfied sexually with your wife. Therefore, according to many religious authorities, engaging in marital relations outside of the relationship God intended for marriage is not justifiable.
Many people, including many religious and spiritual teachers, have different takes on the question of lusting after your own wife. Some say that it’s just fine; others insist that it’s a sin. Most, however, agree that a person should not lust after another person’s wife, whether that person is his own brother or not. It is an abomination.
According to many religious teachers, the lusting after your own wife in the Bible is not only okay but it is encouraged. However, one very important authority whom many people seem to confuse with the more “traditional” scholars of the Bible said as much: “Just as lusting after your own wife is not adultery, so is adultery when one engages in sexual activity with a married woman.” (Timothy 2:25) – LDS Church Newsroom, “Marital Lust in the Bible,” emphasis added. – LDS Fundamental Elder
Does this mean you can’t be tempted to lust after your own wife? Absolutely not! As previously mentioned, the Bible doesn’t specifically mention lusting after your own wife; however, some men seem to use their women as a sexual punching bag. When lusting after your own wife, these men are guilty of either verbally abusing them or physically hurting them. Remember, the bible doesn’t mention anything about being lustful toward your wife – only sexually.
Unfortunately, many men are very confused when it comes to lusting after your own wife. They feel like they are being accused of something when nothing of that nature is actually occurring. Unfortunately, this is very common and is usually used as an excuse for not doing anything about their behavior. If you constantly feel like you’re being “judged” or” sinners” because you “lust” after your own wife, know that you are NOT! You are merely acting according to the law of God – and you should not! (Hebrews 11:4) – LDS Fundamental, “The Marriage Problem – Your Wife Loves You But You Love Your Wife!”
Another reason some men feel “drawn” towards their own wife is because they feel guilty for lusting after their own wife. Remember, guilt is a bad thing, and it should be avoided at all costs! One way to do that is to simply realize that your wife does love you – but she also has a good amount of guilt built up inside of her. She was probably brought into this position by circumstances, whether intentional or not, and it’s completely OK for you to acknowledge that part of why she feels the way she does.
I would like to make sure that you do not attempt to “convince” your wife that she loves you in any way. If you do, you will only convince yourself that she doesn’t really want to be with you! Therefore, don’t try to get your way into it. It will not help you at all.
If you are having problems lusting after your own wife, consider whether you are truly happy with the woman that you are with. Are you happy and fulfilled as a married couple? Chances are, you might actually be, but you might also be very aware that there is a good chance that the marriage is not actually what you envisioned it to be. This is especially true if you are having marital problems of some sort. Try different things if you think you might have an issue that is having an effect on your sexual desire and on your relationship with your wife.